Long Day Ahead

Today is going to be a chaotic, long, tiring day. Honestly, I'm dreading it..

I have to go to a doctors appointment this afternoon, and was supposed to see my normal doctor but she's stuck in the UK coming back from India. I can't even tell you how relieved I was when I heard. I will actually be seeing the doctor who I talked to on the phone and confessed to about my weight issue; so I feel a lot less anxious about going to see her. Hopefully everything will go alright, or at least manageable.

I am going in as myself; no manipulative, lying, cheating girl. I'm done being like that.
It's not me. So I'm going to see this as a fresh start, and hopefully it will make everything okay.

Then from there I'll be coming home for basically 45 minutes and then I have to drive an hour to go to IOP for 4:30. Craziness! I hate driving that far away; first of all because it kills my gas and secondly it's just too far away for my liking. I really don't feel like going tonight. I'm nervous because I have to get weighed, and I hope everything will be okay. I'm praying to God that it does. I wish I didn't do this to myself and make myself a ball of anxiety and worry every time I go to the doctor or have an appointment or get weighed. I wish I could just do what I needed to so I could be confident going into it. I know I need to start really following my MP. I have no choice. I can't stay where I'm at weight wise and I need to learn to accept that. But it's just so hard. I'm literally scared to death. I want to just stay how I am; But if I do, I'll probably have to go to Resi and I don't want that. So I need to fight, and sit with the discomfort. It has to happen at some point right? But we'll see how tonight goes, and hopefully the groups will be semi- helpful. Eh idk.

I know it's going to be a looong day but I can't let that get in the way of keeping myself moving forward taking the steps I need to. I can't let myself listen to ED's lies and excuses; But I'm afraid I will because he's just so damn persuading.  He makes it seem that if I don't listen to him I'm a failure.  But idk, I guess that's irrational, but yet still hard to not believe. I need to not let this chaotic day mess me up with my meals and snacks. I need to try my best and think ahead and pack what I need to to be able to get done what I would if I was home. I know I can do it, and I'm preparing myself to do it. Just the actual doing it is the hard part clearly. It just makes me anxious when my days are messed up and I have different plans than I normally would if I was just home. But I'm not gonna be home doing nothing my entire life (hopefully) so I need to understand that spontaneity is something I need to get used to.

I'm trying to be positive and think good thoughts about the day hoping that will make it a little better. Hopefully my horoscope is somewhat true. That would be nice. But we'll have to see about that. Ugh I really don't want to face today but I have no choice unfortunately.

You could be most persuasive with others, and eloquent in speech and communication. The situation is natural for self expression and lends itself to your particular ideas and thoughts. You could be seen by others as just the person to be put in charge of some project requiring a conservative mind.